Turning Toward One Another

My Husband's Grandpa passed away yesterday morning. He was 92 years old and one of the most generous people I know. He gave thousands upon thousands of dollars to all of his descendants to help pay for their homes and education. He was cheerful and happy and a joy to be with. My children adored him. Even in his 90's, of him they declare, "He was so fun!"

This is naturally a time of mixed feelings for my husband, who out of many grandchildren, was often openly declared to be Grandpa's favorite grandchild. Yet we know we will see him again, and that he lived a grand, righteous, and noble life.

He was there for our baby blessings, even though it required long flights and the pains of travel to get there. Look at that bright, cheerful smile and countenance on Grandpa's face despite the fact that my baby is screaming till she's purple! This was the kind of person that Grandpa was; cheerful in the face of affliction or hard times. He loved life.

In Goddard's text, "Seven Principles for A Successful Marriage," he states that happy couples turn toward one another instead of away. He says that romance does not consist of large trips to the Bahamas, but romance consists of the every day turning. This would mean that instead of doing what I want, or instead of being absorbed in only myself or my own interests, I would turn toward my husband and care about his needs, comfort, and care. Sometimes this is as small as turning off my cell phone and listening to him. Sometimes, it is asking him how his day has gone when he comes home from work, exhausted. Sometimes, it is cleaning the house, making a nice dinner, or doing his laundry because I know he loves it when I do those things.

In Gordon B. Hinckley's own way, he discusses the importance of turning toward one another in a marriage:

"I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion."

We had a chance to track how often we turn toward another in our BYU marriage class this last week. I was overwhelmed by how often my husband turns toward me, but a little under-impressed with my efforts to turn toward him.

So this time, I not only want to get better at turning toward him in every day life, I also want to turn in a bigger way. You see, we were planning on visiting my family for Thanksgiving this year in Utah. We haven't been to Utah for Thanksgiving in years and it is one of my favorite Holidays to celebrate with family. But with the passing of this dear Grandpa, I am willing to instead make the long trek from New Mexico to California with four energetic children to help him attend the funeral and disperse the household goods; a specific request that Grandpa gave to my husband long before his passing. I am not trying to toot my own horn, or brag about my goodness, I simply like to acknowledge that Goddard's book is having a positive effect on me!

I want to live the way that Gordon B. Hinckley says we should live: in anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of my spouse. I know that this is the key to real happiness in marriage. My goal is to simply turn toward, or be there, available, understanding, comforting, and unselfish in any moment, big or small, in which my husband might need me.