Joseph of Egypt Understood Chastity

What would you sacrifice in order to honor your spouse with complete fidelity?

Few people nowadays have the courage that Joseph of Egypt had when he refused to sin with Potiphar's wife. He was willing to deny himself temporary pleasure in order to know God. Joseph must have had a deep understanding of how precious his virtue was.

He was willing to be in prison, face pain, sorrow and loss of worldly freedoms in order to stay morally clean.

When I think of how cheaply many young people throw away their virtue, my heart breaks. These young people lose something precious before they fully understand what they are doing to themselves and to others in breaking the law of chastity. Only when I read the talks by our prophets on chastity do I understand how precious our moral purity is. I am still learning.

I have felt the most powerful understanding of the sacredness of the proper use of our procreative powers as I read Jeffrey R. Holland's, "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments," and Boyd K. Packer's last great general conference talk, "The Plan of Happiness." So many times through life I have heard seemingly shallow reasons to keep our chastity like, "Well, you might get pregnant if you break the law of chastity," as if that was the only thing at stake. Joseph of Egypt, however, must have understood through teachings from his parents and from revelation by being close to God, that it is so much more than that. Jeffrey R. Holland likens procreation powers to flaming fires that must be banked and cooled by God's appropriate channels for it, or we will surely be burned. He discusses how human intimacy is a symbol of giving our whole selves to another person; our dedication, our souls, our full commitment.

When we are intimate with the opposite sex outside of marriage, we can only offer fragments of ourselves to that person, and we become broken as we are given fragments of another, and give only fragments of ourselves. I can imagine how this can lead to spiritual and emotional depression, sadness, and misery. I love how Goddard points out that wickedness never was happiness, even though Satan makes it look so tempting, so alluring, and without consequence.

Satan has allured several of my loved ones, who lack true understanding of the law of chastity, into losing their virtue. It breaks my heart because I love them and I wish, seek, and pray for them to be happy. Satan tells them it is the way to happiness, and yet they are miserable. They do not understand why. I have hope for them through Christ, I know he is patient and that He loves them with perfect love.

I hope someday that they will understand just how sacred they are and that Christ can heal them. I hope to teach my children also, the courage that Joseph of Egypt had because of his understanding of God's plan. I hope they attain the understanding necessary to make the sacrifices that may be required of them in order to stay morally clean. I hope that I can remember Joseph's beautiful story of sacrifice and commitment to the commandments so that I, too, will remain faithful despite any temptations that may come my way.

Gridlock and Charity

What is Gridlock?

Just as it sounds, gridlock is when a married couple cannot seem to solve a problem they have together. Instead of being able to compromise, they lock heads and are unable to budge.

How do we solve or overcome gridlock?

According to John Gottman of, "The Seven Principles of Successful Marriages," couples can overcome gridlock by listening to the dreams and hopes of their spouse that are the root cause of their desires. One partner should listen to the other for fifteen minutes as they reach back into their childhood and explore all the reasons they feel about the decision they are trying to make. Then, after 15 minutes, they switch.

Charity is Key

As I thought about what Gottman says is the solution to overcoming gridlock, I realized that charity is the key to all compromise in a successful marriage. A few months ago, Elder Lynn G. Robbins said that there are 13 or 14 main characteristics of charity. If we can specifically use, "Seeketh Not Her Own," as we approach compromise in a marriage, we will be happy together and both partners in the marriage will be winners. It will be a "win-win" situation.

Real Application for Decisions on Snowy Roads

My husband and I were discussing this idea of not seeking our own desires or our own will when having a crucial conversation and trying to make a compromise. I asked him, "How is it possible that we can both share what we want to happen, but not seek what we want, instead seek for our spouses comfort and desires?"

As we thought about it, I realized that Stephen R. Covey comes into play. He always says, "Seek first to Understand."

I realized that I had been able to apply this principle to a recent intense decision we needed to make. It was snowing intensely in the morning last week, and there was a foot of snow on the ground and on the roads. The kids needed to be driven to school and it had not been cancelled.

I decided that I would first ask my husband what he would have us do. Should we still try to attempt going to school? As I went outside to talk with him as he worked hard to shovel the snow off of our driveway, I asked him what he thought about going to school. He replied that he thought we should go, but just leave ten minutes earlier to allow for slower driving time. I pondered his words, looked carefully at our snowy roads, and then decided to seek not what I thought (I might have had us stay home!) and instead try to follow his lead. I saw other cars pass by on the road and make it successfully on their way. My husband and children bundled up warm, left early, and went to school safely.

When it comes to decision making I often seek first to understand what my husband wants, but not always. He also seeks to understand me. There is room for improvement though. Charity is something we need to pray for every day.

Overcoming Gridlock is Possible!

With charity, if we seek to understand first the desires of our spouse, and try to truly comprehend their dreams related to their desires, then we will be able to overcome gridlock.

Pride Pains Marriage Partners

There were some common themes in our reading for my marriage class this week among both books. Specifically, there was a talk by President Benson about pride. It helped me to do a lot of introspection. I think sometimes we are so prideful, even when counseled to improve, we think the counsel is for somebody else. This talk helped me see that there are things that irritate me about my husband and these are things that I actually need to repent of, instead of trying to change him. It's exhausting to put all of one's effort into trying to change somebody else and get little or no benefits to show from such behavior. Forgiveness, acceptance, good points, and being humble lightens our load so much!

For example, it is fascinating to me that we are studying this subject this week because just last Sunday I was so irritated with my husband. I usually get ready for church and take the kids by myself most Sundays because he is a High Councilmen and is often needed to attend other wards in our stake. Anyway, I was letting myself get annoyed or frustrated for some of the family leadership decisions he was making. First, he was so wrapped up in talking to his mom on the phone (about an important topic, too, by the way!) that I had to get all four kids and myself ready for church on my own again, as usual. After he got off the phone he piled the kids in the car and just waited for me in the car while I finished getting myself ready. I don't know why that always bothers me! Once we arrived at church, he picked a row of seats for us in the overflow even though we were ten minutes early and there was plenty of room to sit up front. My toddler runs wild if I ever sit in the overflow, so I protested. A little frustrated, he got up to move. I protested again, and told him that I suppose it was fine to sit there. Anyway, during sacrament I thought, "Why does everything have to be so hard when we are both involved in making decisions?!?" Then, (here's where I realize my pride) the spirit whispered softly to me, "The reason it is so hard is because you are nit-picking at everything your husband is doing. It would be much easier if you would choose to be humble and let him lead instead of insisting on having everything your particular way."

Whoa! I sat there in disbelief! I was nit-picking? Seriously? Me? But the spirit was totally right! I was exhausted and felt heavy because I spent so much time worrying about whether or not my needs or whims were being met perfectly by my hard-working husband. Just like Goddard said, if I repented then I could put that burden down -- that burden of nitpicking and emphasizing my husbands so-called flaws. It's a lot of work to be a picky princess instead of just humbly following and enjoying his difference in personality and admiring his unique nature. So, right then and there, I let it go. And it felt great. Of course, in just a few days I am not perfect at changing the habits of my mind. I'm sure it will be something I will have to work at for a long time -- not letting pride create enmity between myself and my loved ones or fellowmen. But it's a start, and it's actually quite a relief to discover the source of my exhaustion and frustration - my own pride! I would much rather be grateful and humble for all the wonderful things my husband has done and continues to do for our family. It's a much happier way to live.