Pride Pains Marriage Partners

There were some common themes in our reading for my marriage class this week among both books. Specifically, there was a talk by President Benson about pride. It helped me to do a lot of introspection. I think sometimes we are so prideful, even when counseled to improve, we think the counsel is for somebody else. This talk helped me see that there are things that irritate me about my husband and these are things that I actually need to repent of, instead of trying to change him. It's exhausting to put all of one's effort into trying to change somebody else and get little or no benefits to show from such behavior. Forgiveness, acceptance, good points, and being humble lightens our load so much!

For example, it is fascinating to me that we are studying this subject this week because just last Sunday I was so irritated with my husband. I usually get ready for church and take the kids by myself most Sundays because he is a High Councilmen and is often needed to attend other wards in our stake. Anyway, I was letting myself get annoyed or frustrated for some of the family leadership decisions he was making. First, he was so wrapped up in talking to his mom on the phone (about an important topic, too, by the way!) that I had to get all four kids and myself ready for church on my own again, as usual. After he got off the phone he piled the kids in the car and just waited for me in the car while I finished getting myself ready. I don't know why that always bothers me! Once we arrived at church, he picked a row of seats for us in the overflow even though we were ten minutes early and there was plenty of room to sit up front. My toddler runs wild if I ever sit in the overflow, so I protested. A little frustrated, he got up to move. I protested again, and told him that I suppose it was fine to sit there. Anyway, during sacrament I thought, "Why does everything have to be so hard when we are both involved in making decisions?!?" Then, (here's where I realize my pride) the spirit whispered softly to me, "The reason it is so hard is because you are nit-picking at everything your husband is doing. It would be much easier if you would choose to be humble and let him lead instead of insisting on having everything your particular way."

Whoa! I sat there in disbelief! I was nit-picking? Seriously? Me? But the spirit was totally right! I was exhausted and felt heavy because I spent so much time worrying about whether or not my needs or whims were being met perfectly by my hard-working husband. Just like Goddard said, if I repented then I could put that burden down -- that burden of nitpicking and emphasizing my husbands so-called flaws. It's a lot of work to be a picky princess instead of just humbly following and enjoying his difference in personality and admiring his unique nature. So, right then and there, I let it go. And it felt great. Of course, in just a few days I am not perfect at changing the habits of my mind. I'm sure it will be something I will have to work at for a long time -- not letting pride create enmity between myself and my loved ones or fellowmen. But it's a start, and it's actually quite a relief to discover the source of my exhaustion and frustration - my own pride! I would much rather be grateful and humble for all the wonderful things my husband has done and continues to do for our family. It's a much happier way to live.